Super Top Secret » Randomllaneous

How The Klepto Stole Christmas.

jared.strain — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 23:10:57 +0000

Not to brag or anything, but we created the greatest Christmas cards of all-time. After making our list and checking it twice, we handed them off to our Producer extraordinaire Melissa “Beef Jerky” Crespo. On her way to the Post Office to drop some holiday cheer on our friends across the globe, Mel was beckoned by the siren song of a William-Sonoma sale at the mall, so she popped in to swoop up the wine aerator she’s had her lushy eyes on. Little did she know, while perusing the isles a crack head was pillaging her car in the parking lot. While we’re flattered that the dirtbag robber liked our cards so much that he took all 500 of them, we’re also super bummed the World will never get to see them in all of their glorious glory. Maybe we’ll roll them out next year.

Macho Mustached Man

jared.strain — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 21:29:00 +0000

STS has been on the hunt for a wordsmith for four scores and a fortnight. We finally found our missing writer livin hard and driving tractors up on a ranch in Oregon. Enter the notorious Jake Gunderson. Besides being a dead ringer for the Butcher on Gangs of New York, Jake writes the copy so hot it makes you stop drop and roll. We knew we liked him when he worked 40 hours in his first 2 days at STS without whining once. Whether it’s a big pitch or a big barroom brawl, Jake is the guy you want on your side. STS is stoked to have him. Welcome to the madness Butcher. Welcome.

Feliz Cinco De Mayo El Cucaracha.

jared.strain — Thu, 05 May 2011 22:26:09 +0000

Para celebrator el hoilday mas awesomoso en el mundo fuemous a el Taco Time y munchado muy muy tocos granditos. Despues bashiamos un piñata de skateboard. PACHANGA! PACHANGA! PACHANGA!

Maine hates us.

jared.strain — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 21:51:39 +0000

According to Google analytics Maine has some sort of beef with us. Every other state and a gaggle of other countries have checked out our site, but when it comes to Maine, nada. Goose eggs. What did we ever do to you Maine? You think you’re better than us or something? We check out your stuff all the time. We eat syrup and read Steven King on the reg. Until Google tells us you’re giving us some love we’re boycotting lobster, logging and lighthouses. This is going to hurt us more than it hurts you but we’re going to prove our point dammit.

FORT STS

jared.strain — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 22:25:01 +0000

Been working with our friends at Lloyd Architects to design up our new joint. We told them we were going for the warehouse Shredder set up for his Foot Clan in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. They nailed it. We’re super stoked. Highlights: Glass garage door on the front, full skate ramp, lounge at the top of ramp with stairs going to roof top patio, ample ping pong table room, giant kitchen so Potter can cook up crepes for the troops, and last but not least, double bathrooms. Finally, the contractors are ready to start swinging hammers. We bribed them with copious amounts of Beef Jerky and Pabst Blue Ribbon to get it done ASAP. Pretty sure we’re breaking fire codes in the space we’re in now. Ever have to ride the hump in the backseat of a car? Yeah, it’s like that. 14 hours a day.

Toro Rojo

jared.strain — Tue, 25 May 2010 22:17:54 +0000

Saying we drink a lot of Red Bull is like saying Jenna Jameson has had a lot of boyfriends. We drink it like water. We make oatmeal and cup o noodles with it. It’s part of our business model. We firmly believe with enough talent and Red Bull you can conquer the world. We got sick of schlepping pallets of the liquid gold back from the store, so we tried to work out an arrangement with the Red Bull girls. We wanted them to drive their weird little car by our office on the reg with their music blaring and we could all run out and stock up. Kinda like an ice-cream man. Minus the ice-cream and man. But +with caffeine and taurine. Long story short, it didn’t work. So we did the next best thing. Jared finagled a way to get us a Red Bull fridge and a distributor. Now we’re laced up with the goods 24/7. That’s some Tony Montana schiz right there. If you’re ever in the hood drop by and we’ll hook you up to a Red Bull IV. It will change your life.